Conventions of Composition Rule 205 Practice

1. Weak: August and Citizen built a fort under the loft, and they played there for hours.

Better: After August and Citizen built a fort under the loft, they played there for hours.

Also better: August and Citizen built a fort under the loft; then, they played there for hours.

Explanation: And makes the two clauses seem equal. The other connections show a more specific relationship between the two clauses.

2. Weak: Melony destroyed the cabin and got mad at Homer for leaving the orphanage.

Better: Even though Melony has the physical strength to destroy the cabin, she falls apart emotionally when Homer leaves the orphanage.

Explanation: Better writing shows more connections than merely making two ideas equal, as and does.

3. Weak: Strayed had made a shambles of her life and she changed her name and started hiking.

Better: Strayed had made a shambles of her life, so she first changed her name then started hiking.

Explanation: Showing the temporal relationship provides better information to the reader than and can.