Conventions of Composition Rule 212 Practice

1. Weak: In this paragraph, I'll explain how Daisy's new life affects Gatsby's dreams.

Better: Unlike their relationship from five years earlier, Daisy's new life affects Gatsby's dreams.

Explanation: The improved sentence connects what the last paragraph talked about (their previous relationship) to the content of this paragraph (how her life now affects his dreams).

2. Weak: In conclusion, Stanley causes as many problems as Blanche does.

Better: Even though Blanche ends up being driven off to an asylum, Stanley causes as many problems as she does.

Explanation: Of course the reader can tell that this is the beginning of the last paragraph in the essay, so in conclusion doesn't assist the reader in any substantial way. Instead, the improved sentence bridges the ideas of the last paragraph (Blanche's getting brought away) to the conclusion about Stanley's role in the situation.

3. Weak: Second, Romeo seems ready to fall in love again.

Better: After his initial discussion about his old girlfriend, Romeo seems ready to fall in love again.

Explanation: The improved sentence better connects one idea to the next.